few years ago was released on newsstands a hilarious book called "My company is ironing the bucket. 1000 curricula Ridicule Italy looking for work. "
The author is hiding under the pseudonym "Enza Consul," but it's probably a professional in the selection of staff, reported in this book as the worst harvest in fifteen years.
are a few excerpts, freely interpreted:
are a few excerpts, freely interpreted:
DEBUT
The alphabet? - I am a graduate in economics, I am writing because I want to be a manager with a capital.
with binoculars - I see your ad the newspaper said.
Crime - I enclose with this my identikid.
Infiltrate - I ask you to infiltrate into your database.
Help! - I spit on your ad.
estate - In response to your ad I state that I have a large trunk of experience.
Bitter tears - I get mixed up in a job that makes you cry.
Balance - I am special offer for two days I resign.
not worth much - I enclose a short mop of my curriculum.
drilled Curricula - If you find two holes in my resume is because I have two daughters
Just in retard - I hope to be still "just in time" to send a resume, even if they are passed by 32 days' ad.
The African - I am now is the tam-tam of your search.
He will sleep - I'll give you a quick summary of my bedground
Barber of Seville - You want a vendor with a mustache, and hair against the grain?
Fairy Tale - Once there was a degree in philosophy at the first job he was looking for work.
Demenziale - I thank you for your invitation, but I thought since we do not accept invitations from strangers
spirits - Your offer me drunk
Magellan - I am attaching a brief but I hope clear circumnavigation of my professional experiences
Modesto - My Odyssey may seem, but Ulysses is not no comparison, I traveled all my life.
Pocket - My resume is short and could fit in the palm of your hand: they are monoaziendale.
Salome - I have no secrets, I am writing naked
San Giovanni - Here's my head on a silver platter
The octopus - Your listing is sprawling
Consistent - I still a land surveyor in the grass.
HOW ARE
Capelluto timely - I'm not bald and I have the physique du rolex
Pinocchio - I am a rather longiligneo ..
Our Heroes - My father was an officer of the Guard Finance, saving more lives of doctors and the risk of their own.
Hierarchies - Member of family: father, mother, brother inferior. For mothers, we are always children. I have two small children of 12 and 18 years.
relatives caught - about thirty of my relatives are graduates, as the brother of my mother. About twenty of my relatives have graduated to high school.
family vocation - I am married to an accountant, my wife is an accountant, my children accountants
Relatives of steel - The husband of a cousin of my father by my paternal grandfather was an engineer
Tira and spring - I am separated, then divorced, then remarried again separated, now no more helmet
Culture - High: 1.83; heavy: 60 kg. My strengths: intrazione biceps 40 cm, chest 140 cm, inspiratory capacity 10 liters.
bins - I married an heiress but has never inherited
Sa also count! - If we were in the first two, we are now with the baby in three
bursting with health - a health'm just fine, and I can improve after four minor surgery
Gourmet - Here now is the most Yummy in my curriculum.
Son calculator - I believe to be an accounting.
Rainbow - As you can see my curriculum is a colorful
STUDIES AND QUALIFICATIONS
What counts the rear. (For the purposes of an assumption of my post graduation)
deserved Diploma - Education: Raggioniere
Deafness - I did a postgraduate course at Sordoni
Padrelingua - I am a father-mother English-language
How will the phone? - Italian I know him well, and is already a few, the foreign language school but I have the cable mime
What does it mean? - Active language: Anglo American. Passive languages: French
suspect - I'm not a pataccaro, even if I sell watches
If he says so -. I'm not a markettaro, but a man selling
hunter - the last joke I brought home 50 customers
Lucky him - are the repositories of culture and multifunctional parauniversitaria
So what? - I participated in a quiz game of Mike Bongiorno
DeAmicis - Eight years ago I sold to go to school every morning cestinodi a fruit. My clients were workers with a piece of bread the day before and my genuine product could enjoy a nutritious lunch. At age 14 while still studying I had a qualification higher commercial and in fact I went from walking with a seller to counter abusive mobile
Yes, you see - You see I am a self-paced
Free lunch - I used to work under master, but now I'm a free-lunch
ASPIRATIONS
Discreet - I'll write in the voice, I'm going to change
The juke box - are very popular for the record, that I lots of offers
Fantino - Despite being firmly in the saddle to the top management.
shrimp - My escalation professional downhill
Pharaoh - I work only for goals and aspirations for a career pyramid
concrete Ambitions - To much money, prestige, and a secretary and beautiful and available with big tits.
Medal with three faces - There are three sides of the coin that push me to go away: the first distance. The second: money. The third: my wife who works in my office and already stand at home.
Pray - The crisis has put us kneel Please
Career - I'm ready from the first step, but if I can be honest, it would save me willingly
then when? - I'm not used to bargain when it comes to money
Cash on delivery - the color of money we'll discuss a possible interview
Politico - With regard to the salary I would define a quorum
The redemption - Leave economic is good money even in small denominations that are not just under 40 million gross
OTHER MISCELLANEOUS PEARLS
demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience
I imporoto Word Perfect 6.0 and others as children of progrommi colculo.
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
fully responsible for the failure of two (2) financial institutions.
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
Council to the employer that I not work with other people.
meet, so 'you wonder of my own experience.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
working for my mom until 'has decided to move.
Marital status: Single. Not married. Not girlfriend. Without relationships. No commitments.
I have become completely paranoid, I do not believe in anyone or anything.
My goal and 'become a meteorologist, but because' I do not have a degree in that field, I think I can try to become a stockbroker.
Personal interests: Donating blood. So far I have donated 50 liters.
I have played a key role in ruining an entire transaction for the purchase of a chain of stores.
Note: Please do not misinterpret the fact that my 14 works. I never resigned from a job.
Married: often. Children: various.
reason for which you and 'left the last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I could not work under those conditions.
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
are eighth in a test result which was attended by ten candidates.
Possible References: None. I left a path of destruction behind me.
Languages: English, I attended advanced immersion courses fool
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